Oh no! Mom’s coming to visit and your bookshelves are full of your homemade surrealist erotic short films! You quickly make room under the bed beside those old Phranc CDs and your copy of The Courage to Heal, hoping that Mama doesn’t look too close.

But one disc in particular gives you pause. “This is the one with the innovative use of the fisheye lens and the Bollywood dance routine!” you exclaim to yourself. “This is art!” Don’t hide that masterpiece and others away—put them on display for all to see every last Tuesday of the month, when Tamara J. Brown and Dusty McCord present Suck My Flick, a short-film open mic night of sorts at Alberta Street Public House.

The process works like this: filmmakers submit DVDs of their 10-minute-or-less short films at sign-in time (7:30 p.m.). All entries will be screened in succession to an audience of other filmmakers, movie buffs and whatever drunks are wandering around the pub. Each auteur must be present during the showing of his/her movie—viewers have to cheer, or throw their tomatoes, somewhere—and will be given an opportunity to share a few words about the movie just before it screens.

“What’s in it for me!?” filmmakers throughout Portland may ask. At each screening, audience members will vote via text message, American Idol-style, to choose the recipient of that evening’s Suck My Flick Award! The distinction includes having your work featured on PortlandFilm.org along with a bio—and a “suckubus trophy” to grace your mantle. All statue winners are eligible to win the Suck My Flick Best Filmmaker of the Year honor.

The fun begins September 29 and happens every last Tuesday of the month at Alberta Street Public House (1036 NE Alberta Street). Submission sign-up is at 7:30, with the presentation starting at 8 p.m. The event is free to enter and free to watch. Visit video.portlandfilm.org/suckmyflick for details.

And be sure to bring your cell phone if you intend to vote on the winner!

– Nick Mattos