Online dating changed Queer America. You could live in a town of 200, and suddenly have a global network of just-like-yous at your fingertips. Tired of the same old nears and dears, you could connect to Mr. Right in Australia. Suddenly, the person that knew you best was just one click away.
Hooking up on the Internet is old news. Now, love and sex are properly segmented to different websites, and platonic connections are the consolation prize of bad coffee house dates. We can go online seeking the customized relationship of our choice. However, the problem is that too much control can lead to a lack of surprise or serendipity.
One of the less overthought dating tools is Craigslist’s “Missed Connections”. They’re poetic stabs in the dark towards people we’ve known for an instant. We’re just hoping our moment was as sexy to them as it was to us.
“Remember me? I was the girl who crashed her bike into the Voodoo Doughnut cart on Alberta?”
Why wouldn’t they contact you?
I love that there’s a place to find people you meant to hit on, but just couldn’t. There’s bravery in reaching out to them. Obviously, you may never hear back from them, but there are stranger things as well. For example, there are people that constantly get Missed Connections. Something about the way they hit that dance floor. He could be picking his nose while watching Fox News, and BAM! He has 20 posts that he’ll probably never read. Unaware sexy people just can’t be stopped.
Lately, I’ve been comparing the queer women and men’s Missed Connection boards. Not surprising that they’re very different. I can’t help but be a little jealous of the m4m posts. Why? They are an unstoppable slew of dating propositions that use words like “muscles” and “short hunk”. This seems like the intention of the site.
The w4w posting board is a different story all together. The last time I visited, I was shocked. Over half of the posts were written by queer girls either pining for, or screaming at their exes. It’s no crime to be heartbroken, and as a reader, commiserating can be very therapeutic. Unfortunately, the woeful relationship posts are even more vague than the flirty shouts at strangers. You may even be forced to read bad after-bar poetry that kind of rhymes, and is full of too many moon and ocean references.
The girlfriend rants aren’t awesome. Who could have guessed an “I hate you” could be so boring? The answer is… anyone. It’s boring and selfish to vaguely hate someone in a forum established for people to meet. Thanks for peeing in the dating pool. Can’t you see the other people blowing kisses from their bike crashes and Radiocabs passing in the night?
It seems we need a posting category where queers can break up, and then rub it in. On the hierarchy of horrible ways to dump someone, it would be even worse than a text message break-up. We could call it “Bad Connections”, and just like the sexy posts, all your friends would get to read it before you did.
Dating and hating online is forever becoming more complex. It’s easy to see how a forum for love could accidentally grow bitter fruit. I just think those bitter fruits should get a forum less designed for hopefuls.
I’m looking forward to a summer full of very cute, sexy, and vague Craigslist posts. I wish achievement to those of you wanting, and closure to those of you hurting.
“Hey you, dancing boy/girl in a tank top and jeans. You’re hot! We made eye contact, and I think we both want more. Message me with name of the place we were dancing at so I know it’s you. BTW, I was also wearing jeans.”
About Lyska Mondor
Lyska Mondor writes regularly for Just Out. She is a published poet and aspiring sci-fi author.