“As the economy suffers, I really do believe that people need to laugh now more than ever,” Kathy Griffin tells me in a rare moment of seriousness.

Otherwise, the redhead comic drops a nonstop barrage of her infamous shit-talking. Victims include Clay Aiken (“I thought the picture of Clay on the cover of People was very powerful—but I’m still gonna make fun of him”), octuplet mom Nadya Suleman (“who wants to be Angelina Jolie so bad that, while having 14 children, she still has time for a nose job and some lip plumping”) and celebrity fake friends (“when Madonna had Gwyneth Paltrow as her maid of honor, I’m sure they’d known each other for two weeks—like that wasn’t a photo op”).

She even manages to squeeze in a joke about Portland Mayor Sam Adams. Upon learning about his sex scandal with 18-year-old Beau Breedlove, the quick-witted Griffin says: “Well, at least it wasn’t an 8-year-old, that’s my thing. Usually with Republicans it’s like an 8-year-old. So, 18-year-old? Not so bad.”

Kathy Griffin: Oh yeah, I bomb all the time. Usually my worst scenarios are upscale, black-tie charity events. I’m not kidding—90 percent of the time, everyone is at these like circular banquet wedding tables, and they’re not even paying attention, and they’re all talking to each other, and I’m standing there like in a God damn ball gown thinking, “Why did I bother?” Those are the times that I say, “Why didn’t you just call LeAnn Rimes?” They don’t really want to sit there and listen to a comedian.

KG: If this Chris Brown thing is true—you gotta be kidding me. That this guy would be stupid enough to risk his whole career and he’s gonna pull over Rihanna on the street and hit her in the face or whatever? That’s just outrageous!

That’s what blows my mind about Hollywood and about celebrity: I’m always trying to figure out which came first, the chicken or the egg. I mean, were these celebrities stupid enough to do this stuff before they were famous, or does the culture of celebrity make them think that, you know, if they get out of a car without any panties, the camera isn’t going to flash their crotch? Was Britney born crazy, or did celebrity make her crazy? I never know.

Going to the Grammys the other night was funny to me. All these rappers like T.I. had the biggest security guards. I thought: “You’re already going to prison! What’s the worst thing that could happen to you? Somebody wants an autograph?”

KG: I know I’m a D-lister! I was nominated for a Grammy [for the comedy album For Your Consideration] and I couldn’t get into the Clive Davis party. In fact, I couldn’t get into any pre-Grammy party, and I’m a nominee! Now I realize they really just want nothing to do with me.

KG: Hell, no. They got triple their ratings, and I’m a YouTube sensation; I’m very excited.

They told me that we were in the commercial break, and I was just trying to make Anderson [Cooper] laugh. I was like, “What, you never heard that line? It’s like the oldest Borscht Belt comedian line in the world.” Then a minute later this one producer goes, “Oh my God, that went out live.” So I turned to Anderson and I said, “Are you in trouble?” He said, “No, this is cable.”

KG: I respect the gay community because they have been through such adversity; I call them “my unshockable gays.” As a comedian, that’s a dream audience—an audience that isn’t going to gasp or huff and puff and leave the room.

You gave a great example—you’ve got your first gay mayor, and he’s already in a scandal. What the fuck am I gonna say that’s gonna shock you?

Kathy Griffin tapes the Bravo special Inappropriate Touching 6:30 and 9 p.m. March 4 at Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall, 1037 S.W. Broadway. Tickets are $40-$55 at the door or $35-$50 in advance from Ticketmaster.

Arts and Culture Editor Jim Radosta needs your feedback. E-mail him at jim@justout.com.