I’m turning 50. The inevitable has finally arrived—and, with it, my AARP card. How did this happen? I don’t feel 50. Lord knows I don’t act it. And while my face shows the ravages of time, so far my body doesn’t.

Which is why I’m trying to get into even better shape than I’ve ever been. Which is more difficult than it’s ever been because it’s harder and harder to motivate my butt to the gym. I want the results; I just don’t want to put in the effort. One could call that laziness (and be absolutely correct). However, I like to think of it as reserving my remaining energy for more important pursuits, like sampling chocolates at Cacao or sipping martinis at Vault.

I go to the gym four or five times a week. It’s just that once I’m there, I’m ready to leave. I do my first set of pull-ups and think, “That felt good, but sitting in the steam room would feel even better.” Then I do a set of squats and think, “I’m so close to the ground already, why not just plop down and relax?”

So how do guys do it? Guys like Casey Hopkin, whose lithe form should be on a billboard. Or Tim Bias, whose ass has its own zip code. How do they motivate themselves to exercise and stay fit? I decided to ask the men at Salon Q.

Not surprisingly, many answers focused on looks. Steven Bartolo even came right out and used the V word. “I’m just vain,” he said, although he added that he has to pass Air Force fitness tests twice a year. The strikingly bald Brian Charles Johnson said he works out because “someone told me blood flow increased hair growth.” And Gregg Griffin said, “I always want to look good in the mirror.”

Jason Coryell began exercising regularly when “I put on my jeans from three years ago, and that was enough of a motivation.” Boyfriend David Macdonald, who recently moved to Portland from Vancouver, British Columbia, to be with Jason, exercises to “stay healthy, feel good and look good for my honey.”

In a similar vein, some of the answers referred to our endless obsession with sex. Eloi Contreas said, “Staying fit and healthy gets me more boys because I have killer legs.” Because I’m a journalist, I asked for proof, which he happily showed me. Bob Noe works out because “I have to look good all the time if I want to get laid.” Mike Cruz exercises because he’s “single again after getting dumped after three years,” and Larry Zwaschka works out “so I’m sexually appealing to fellow gay men.”

Not all of us, however, are like Valerium Pereira and motivated solely by aesthetics. Will Simonds goes to the gym because “I feel better when I get there.” Jose Martin goes “so I know I can eat anything I want at night.” Robert North uses his time at the gym as an opportunity to “focus and reflect on the day.” And Dan Johnston says, “I feel like I have to go for stress and because it gets me out of work for an hour each day.”

Still others, such as Aaron Ridings, use the gym for socializing. He goes “with my friends to talk and hang out.” Jon Christianson does aerobics to ensure “I have endurance on the dance floor,” and Alan Vandehay goes to watch the pretty boys. “He’s a looky-loo,” says his good friend Tony Mills.

Some guys have special motivational tools to assist them, like John Barker, who keeps a careful eye on himself and others in the mirror. John Smith says: “I watch XTube before going to the gym. And I make sure I go when other serious guys are there.” Oregon Ballet Theatre artistic director Christopher Stowell spends every day around dancers who are in fantastic shape, saying, “It reminds me that it’s worth it to spend the time.”

Then, of course, there are the guys like Julius Calasicas who look good without working out. “I’m a lucky bitch,” he says. Of course, Julius is only half my age, which should be a warning that, without upkeep, those good looks will soon be Out Going.

Floyd Sklaver wants to know about your event. E-mail him at floydsklaver@comcast.net.